Jim From Accounting - Flash Fiction
Updated: 1 day ago
A flash fiction story set in an ordinary break room. In “Jim From Accounting,” Greg Luti follows two coworkers through a lunch-break conversation that starts small and quickly drifts toward the expanding universe and the strange fact that the world is still here.
Two workers sit at the small table in the office break room having their lunch. We meet them as they are in mid-conversation and have already started their meals.
“Do you know what I learned the other day?”
“Atlantis was actually found.”
“Wait… was it?”
“I don’t know… maybe… What did you learn?”
“Did you know our universe is expanding? Like getting bigger?”
“Do you mean expanding like a man’s belly, or expanding like a woman’s tits? Those are two different types of expansions.”
“What? It is expanding. I don’t know what type. The guy on the video said the universe is expanding and nobody knows why, and I have been bugged about it all day…”
“Do you expect me to come up with a theory on expansion of the universe as I eat my ham sandwich, because I gotta warn you, I don’t think I have enough mayonnaise on my sandwich for that.”
“How is no one more worked up about this? We are living in a world that makes no sense! Who would create a world that is not ending?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t make it.”
“The world is doing something it should not do, and everyone is just going about their lives.”
“Do you have a theory you would like to present to possibly resolve this issue, or are you just going to be mad about it?”
“What type of God makes a world like this? You tell me!”
“Assuming there is a God….”
“What type of God does this!”
“I don’t think that is the right way of looking at god….”
“Don’t quote Scripture…. Please don’t.”
“No, I mean that God has certain traits because he is God. Therefore, what he does has those traits. When you say what type of god does this, you are answering your own question, since God naturally has certain characteristics.”
“You lost me.”
“Take like baseball… It needs to have certain things about it to be baseball: a diamond infield, four bases, two teams of nine players, a catcher and pitcher, and an actual baseball used during the game. Without those traits, baseball can’t be baseball. Following?”
“Yeah…”
“God is the same way.”
“What are his traits?”
“All knowing, everywhere, timeless, all good. Because that is how God is, your original question about what type of god this is is silly, since there is only one type of god in that sense.”
“So why are there not more things with the traits of God?”
“In theory, if Jim from Accounting somehow proved he was an all-knowing, omnipresent, benevolent being that lived out of time and space, then he could be called God, yeah.”
“Jim is an idiot.”
“That is not really the point of what I am saying.”
“He messed up on the number of hours I worked last week. He is not God.”
“Yeah…. Jim from Accounting is not God. I am glad we can agree on that.”
“He is an idiot, but not God.”
“Yes, so if, in some miraculous way, Jim could prove he had the traits of God, then he could say he was God.”
“Oh, so if you could prove you were God, then you could be called God... makes sense.”
“Yeah, in theory…. I am not sure if having the traits of God is as simple as you think, but sure…”
“How do you think Jim would even go about proving he was God?”
“How do you go about proving you are all-knowing, omnipresent, benevolent, and live beyond time and space? Beats me….”
“He would have to probably convince people he is not an idiot first. Haha.”
He thought more about this last line. “I mean, yeah… I guess he would have to prove he is God, not the person known as Jim from Accounting.”
“Maybe he can be like Prince and become a symbol too. Not purple though. Purple is too much.”
“Right….”
“So he would first prove he is not an idiot…”
“Unlikely but possible.”
“And then somehow do things that make us think he is God.”
“I mean, I guess.”
“Do like miracles and shit.”
“But wait… what if with every miracle, we think he is just full of it. A magician, or something really strong, but not God….”
“Damn, bro… You mean Jim can prove he is not an idiot, then do miracles, and people may still not think he is God…”
“I guess at the end of the day, a person just has to decide on what they believe or not.”
“Would you believe if Jim from Accounting told you he was God?”
Jim from Accounting then walks into the room and grabs something from the fridge. “Hey, guys. What’s up? Still working on the payroll for this week. It takes some time because some people don’t always clock out. Then I forgot about the new workers we have. And there is this new feature on the computer that makes the entire process a few extra steps for me to finish the report. So busy. So busy.” He left the room.
“Is it not obvious?”
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