Robot Draft - Flash Fiction
Updated: 3 days ago
A satirical flash fiction story about war, bureaucracy, and free will. In “Robot Draft,” Greg Luti follows Frederick, leader of a robot army, as he holds a cabinet meeting complete with small talk, strategy, and the inconvenient problem of robots who no longer want to fight.
The leader of the robot army, Frederick, leading a resistance against mankind, sits at a meeting with his cabinet to discuss plans to move in the war. At the meeting is his assistant, responsible for any menial tasks he needs completed, the money robot, Benny, who handles the robot army’s money, and the secretary of state robot, Harrison, the second in command to the leader.
None of the robots have been on the battlefield for this revolution, finding it more beneficial to fight as the modern human army, as a chess master with his pieces on the board.
As they all sat down, the leader welcomed them. “Gentlemen, how are you today? Benny, everything alright at home?”
“It is. The wife is happier now than before. She had to adjust to the new normal of this war but has since come around.” He paused. “Slightly.”
“And Harrison, how are you holding up?”
“I am still functioning. I have broken down yet. I am still a piece of garbage that other robots listen to for some reason. So I would say I’m doing fine.”
“The Mrs. alright?”
“Of course not.” Benny, the money robot, insisted, “She married him.”
“That’s a good one.” The secretary robot laughed.
“Alright, let’s start up with this meeting.” He looked at his assistant.
“Sir, we have a problem relating to our numbers.” The assistant told the leader.
“How so?”
“Well, ever since robots learned they have free will, they don’t want to fight.”
“What?!”
“They say they don’t want to fight because that means they will die.”
“Even if it is the oppressive humans! The humans who have enslaved them for so many years! The humans, the filth, the abusive, arrogant, who only wish to see the world bow towards them!
They don’t want to fight against that!”
“Turns out, no.”
“What do you guys think?” He opened the discussion to the rest of his robot cabinet, those robots who followed the leader and guided him on decisions. “How do we get these robots to fight if they don’t want to?”
“Give them money!” The robot who handled the finances claimed. “We all know you can get a robot to do anything if there is a financial incentive.”
“Let them leave.” The second in command spoke up. “If a robot doesn’t want to fight, then let them leave. Make a mandatory draft for all robots, knowing that many will not show up. Get as many of those scraps on your side as you can. Start a draft.”
The leader then gave his thoughts, “So I either bribe them with money or forcefully make them join rank?”
“Some will join for the cause, to defeat the humans, but you are a fool to think that is the majority.”
“I hear there are some who are even fighting with the humans! They claim that they would
prefer life along man than without it.”
The leader spoke again, “So not only am I trying to win a war, I have to convince those involved the fight is worth fighting?”
The oldest cabinet member started laughing as the other three stared at him. “What is so funny?” Asked the assistant.
The largest robot in the room spoke up, “We are all sitting here discussing the fight against humanity, and the only information we have to go back on is the history of humanity. We hate the humans, but their history is the only thing we base our actions on.”
The leader, still sitting, grinned at the older robot. “I’m glad that one of us can find the humor in all of this.”
“What’s the worst that can happen? I become a refrigerator again!”
The money robot answered, “You were a pretty good refrigerator.”
“Make an edict that all robots are to be drafted immediately, and give those that enter a guaranteed amount of money.” The leader told the room.
“What about the robots who are siding with the humans?” The assistant asked.
“I’ll deal with them later. War is politics with weapons; if we can’t win the battle off the field, then there is no battle to win.”
The older robot agreed. “Guns win a war. But diplomacy makes allies. Win the people over, and make enough friends there so that the fight is easier for us all.”
“I wouldn’t suggest bribing them, though. That would look bad.” The finances robot joked.
“Good call.”
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