Why I Didn't Open Your Email - Poem

I didn’t open your email right away because I was busy.

No, I was not working late hours in the office.

I try to leave as early as I can every day.

Nor was I spending time with family.

I only ever attend important family get-togethers, like weddings and funerals.

I was busy, though.

I was in bed, thinking about my own existence, questioning whether I am even real, or if any of this even matters, and I may have gotten carried away.

See, I sat in bed wondering just what I know and what I don’t know.

I know that there is stuff that I don’t know, but then if I never know what I don’t know, how can there be any reasonable conclusion?

And without a reasonable conclusion, I am left to use faith as justification for my own existence.

Which gets me to prove that there is a Creator, which then gets me back to there being a part I know and a part I don’t know.

I then switched up my thoughts to speculate a little differently.

What if all I am is not what it seems?

What if, at the end of this, my life is fake?

Can I really be nothing more than a player in a game?

Is this nothing more than a simulation?

Religion admits that there is some truth to this being a simulation, but they can’t agree on all of it.

I am then left to decipher my own life, and wonder if any of this is even real.

I am told they lie.

And they do.

But it feels like the lie the media tells me about a certain story is a bit different than being told my entire freaking reality is not real.

Sure, they are both lies.

But pizza and burgers are both foods, too, but I would never confuse the two.

The moment of deep thought overcame me as I lay in bed, not really ready for the day.

Mornings are good for wood, deep thoughts, and remembering that you have to get some coffee in you if you are going to function.

When I get this way, allowing the deep thoughts to run things, I don’t really want to talk to anyone.

Let me be, you fool!

Can you not see I am thinking?

I am not only thinking of you and me, but of life itself.

I am thinking so much that I am doing more than thinking.

What do we call that?

Don’t we have a word for the action I am doing right now?

Perhaps I am on to something here then…

So please let me be and do not bother me right now.

Let the thoughts go where they wish, as I am only trying to keep up with myself here.

I am on a ride right now, and I am going where the thoughts take me!

I may go off the road.

I may jump off a cliff.

I may not ever move at all.

Regardless, the thoughts are the driver, and I am going wherever they go, hoping to find some clarity in this life.

I know not where my thoughts take me, and I don’t care either.

I will follow these thoughts.

So please do not speak to me now, I can only grasp these thoughts if you are not communicating with me.

The real joke to that last part is that I hate roller coasters.

You would never catch me on a roller coaster.

I went on a roller coaster when I was a kid, and all I can say is that I started on the line, and when the time came to get on the ride, my skin turned as pale as a ghost, and I did not go on the roller coaster.

I am happy with rollercoasters of the mind, but rollercoasters of real life scare me.

There are so many times in this world where the truth seeps through, is shown only briefly,

But then….

Like that, it is closed short.

Harder than a pissed person slamming the door.

I am then left to wonder what the hell I just saw, and I have to rely on my memory to even recall my own reality.

Oh, wait, I forgot, my memory may change sometimes, and I can’t even rely on that.

What can I really know?

What can I be certain of?

Is there anything, or is this all an illusion?

Has the world fooled me, and I have bought into the act?

I go back to thinking of the lies in the media.

How can I prove that the man is lying to me?

Is there even a way to do that?

If I say he is lying, he can defend himself, for he is the one with the audience, not me.

The best I can do is accuse him of that claim, never once getting any more proof, and needing to rely on a certain amount of faith in my own detective skills.

What about reality itself?

How would I be able to prove that reality is wrong?

Isn’t reality smart enough to go against bums like me?

Oh, no, we got a guy lying in his bed, thinking about us!

He thinks he is clever since he has not moved all morning.

What are we going to do?

This could ruin us.

-        Reality

When I saw your email, I just couldn’t deal with reading about whatever you wanted to tell me.

I am over here wondering if the very hands I use every day are mine. I don’t want to read your morning email.

I am sorry, but I can only do one thing at a time..

I also may have not opened your email, because I knew what you were going to ask me.

About the money you are owed.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

I owe you about 500 for that thing I bought.

Look, I had some tough times with money recently, but I will get you the money.

Back off, will ya?

Anyway, not that you even care, but that is why I didn’t open your email.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, I still don’t have the money.

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